| New Kitty |
[02 Oct 2004|04:53pm] |
Well..i guess -my- cat will be staying w/ my mother and family indeffiniately now. heh I'm gonna miss her :/ my first pet... no one seem to understand that though. ohwell, heh. Good news though is that we got a free kitten today which we named Miyo Sanura :)
( Click for pic )
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| New Layout |
[24 Sep 2004|12:40pm] |
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Check it out. I started it a month or so ago but just got around to putting it up, heh. And yeah i used pink in it...why?..b/c nothing else would have looked right
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[24 Sep 2004|10:07am] |
Lord help me I need strength.
I asked Rob to stop speaking to 'the girl' and he hopped right up w/ no complaints and deleted the girl off his list. Now i was happy about this but i was a bit suspicious b/c he didnt actually BLOCK her. Then yesterday when i was in the room she messaged him and he just closed it. I kinda shrugged thinking he must be stupid not to block her. I went to have a bath after that and when i came out she messaged him again, but it was like a "hello????????" message.....i didnt quite catch it but it was quite obvious that whilst I was in the bath he had been talking to her. Well guess what, the fucker must think that I'm really really stupid b/c he didnt bother deleting the log file. I just went and found it.
( Click to Read the log from yesterday )
I want to kill him. I feel so sick. I can't believe I trusted him again. I love him. He says he loves me too but I wonder now. If he loved me and only me then he wouldnt be lieing to me....god. I've gone thorugh this before w/ friends to talk to about it but no one is ever online when HE isnt home...and the only place -here- i have to go to is my mothers, and she just wants me to leave him. But i need to wait...I need to see what he does next...God........
I'd call someone to talk to but we don't have a phone yet....
Plus it's only 10:20 or so he won't be hom for another 5 1/2 hours. I'm going to go crazy until then and i may not be able to talk to him about it yet even THEN..cause i need to see if he's gonig to cheat on me again.........
ugh the person I need is Andrea... God -_- she went through so much of this...
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| Cops, cheaters, and blood |
[22 Sep 2004|10:51am] |
I've been away for a long time again but this time i have a good reason.
My 'rents are divorcing. whilst my mother was gettingthings out of the house for herself and my sisters, my father called the cops on her. The cops forced both her and myself out of the house and neither of us are allowed back unless my father says we are. So..My mom and sisters are living in a pmq for now (they have a month left in it) and I was staying at Rob's (my bf now. I broke up w/ Joost). Soon after. Robs lanlord made Rob leave and find a new place aswell b/c he wanted to rent to someone ELSE. So..he found a place and we're both living there now.
all was good.
Until yesterday morning. I wake up and get on the computer only to have someoneon Rob's trillian list message me thinking he was still on. This happens a lot and normally i don't mind, but trillian logs the latest conversations and shows them in the current message window or w/e. Rob had been cybering with this girl in the night when i was laying in the room alone waiting for him to come to bed. So things are shakey right now. I left in the middle of the day and went to my moms (Rob had been at school when i found out about this). I left him a note on the computer telling him i knew and that i was really hurt, etc, and to phone my moms cell when he got home.
He called at about 5 and we talked for a bit before i came back home to talk to him personally. He cried a bit, which is good i guess..means he might actually be serious when he said he'd never do it again. But I don't really know... When i ask him why he did it, he just says he was being an idiot and he doesnt know. He has to know. We do't just do things like that on a whim when we're with someone else.
I cut for the first time in a VERY long time yesterday and forgot to clean up the mess afterwards before i left for moms. Scared the crap ot of rob when he saw it i guess, lmfao. Kinda funny...I didnt mean to scare him, but it's not like he didnt deserve it.
But yeah...I still feel really really shitty. Everytime he kisses me now I feel....dirty. Like i'm just something to be used to satisfy himself when no one else is around or something..
When I look at him now I just get the urge to hurt him physically. I have to control myself NOT to. How could he do this to me? egh. And my paranoid mind is thinking the "Josh" situation all over again. I don't know how the hell you put up with that Andrea. I really don't.
Even just talking about this now is setting my panic mode on full swing. The incident is over, but whats to say he won't do it again and just be smarter about hiding it now??
I spend all day alone. He spends all day surrounded be people. I'm gonna go insane. 3 help me, i will.
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